I’ve got nothing to lose…

It’s over foggy ocean haze that I can finally see
How I can’t see anything
I fold my arms and drop my head to my knees
Then I scream and I scream
I’ve been a wreck these past few years
It’s wearing me down; it’s breaking me down
It’s killing me
I feel it weighing down so heavily
The view takes my mind off my depression and anxiety
Take this burden away, oh please hurry
I pray to god to help mend this void
When it comes to saving, unfortunately he forgot me
Not loved, no one cares
I would be lying to say the words never crossed me
You can’t understand me
“Leave him alone”, just “Leave him home.”
Wish you could have been there to comfort me
Family disconnected emotionally
I’m trying to be what my father never taught me
As the sun sets west
My heart drops further down my chest
It’s so exhausting
My past is haunting and I’ve never had the chance to fight back
Son you’re swinging for the fences
They counted you out before you even began
When the sun rises east
I wonder if there are others like me
Although I’ve never complained
There is only so much my body can take
But when I’m sitting out here
The wind makes my hair stand on end and I lose all fear
When I get closer, it seems farther
Sitting up here the view is no longer clear
I wouldn’t take a single word back
I envy other people’s courage
Scared I’ll never live up to my own expectations
Scared people won’t like me for who I am
I lack self-esteem
I hide behind my own words
I’m going through the motions without any emotions
I just wish I had someone to love
Then they would be forced to let me open up
It’s a funny to think that love has this power
I let true love slip away but I won’t let it again
I’ve been trying everything to find my stability for the last five years
Maybe I’ve had it wrong this whole time inside my head
Now I stare out through darkness, through moving lights
It’s time to realize, love is an act of bravado
Through it all only one thing has kept me in tact
The beating never stops; it never lets me give up
I can feel it on the tip of my ears
It starts to pound faster, to beat of the drums
As light creeps over my head
The sun finally comes back up
I ask myself how I will get though the day
I’m asking for a second chance
A chance to pick myself up
All I have ever needed is myself and a beating heart
Nothing else
But the beating of my heart
I’ve failed me.